Your Child Can Afford It. But Should They Buy It?

Your 13-year-old comes home talking about a pair of trainers their friends are wearing. Or perhaps it's a new phone, a particular outfit, or something everyone in their class seems to have.

They've seen it, they want it, and now you're hearing about it every other day.

You might be able to afford it. You might even think they deserve it. But you also know that if you buy everything they ask for simply because they want it, you'll be having the same conversation again next month.

So you say, “You don't need that. The one you have is still good.”

Your child disagrees, naturally. As far as they're concerned, the old one is no longer good enough.

It's easy to dismiss this as teenage entitlement. But there's something more interesting happening here. Your child is beginning to form their own preferences, compare themselves with their peers, and decide what matters to them. Those decisions will eventually influence how they use their money.

There is a difference between not being able to afford something and deciding not to buy it.

Many children grow up understanding money through two experiences: asking for something and being told yes or no.

If the answer is yes, they get what they want. If the answer is no, they may assume it's because the item is too expensive, their parents are being strict, or there's something else they don't know about.

But where is the practice in deciding whether something is worth buying in the first place?

A child can grow up in a home where their needs are comfortably met and still struggle to make spending decisions. They may know that their parents can afford certain things without understanding the choices involved in using money for one thing rather than another.

And when they eventually begin managing their own money, that distinction matters.

They will have to decide whether to spend on something they want now or keep the money for something they want more. They will have to work out whether buying something because their friends have it is a good enough reason. They will need to recognize that being able to pay for something doesn't automatically make it a wise purchase.

These are not decisions children suddenly learn when they turn 18. They need opportunities to practice them long before then.

Try a different conversation the next time they ask.

Instead of making the decision immediately, ask your child three questions.

“Why do you want it?” Is it something they genuinely like, something they need, or something they want because their friends have it? There's no shame in wanting what other people have. The point is to help them recognize the difference.

“What would you give up to get it?” This is where the conversation gets interesting. If they want a pair of trainers that costs ₦40,000, what else could that money do? Are they willing to wait, contribute some of their own savings, or put off another purchase? Help them see that spending is a choice between alternatives, not just a way to get what they want.

“Would you still want it if nobody else had it?” This won't always change their mind, and that's fine. But it can help them think about whether they're buying something for themselves or trying to keep up with everyone around them.

You don't have to turn every request into a lecture. These conversations can happen naturally, while shopping, discussing a birthday gift, or deciding what to buy with money they've saved.

And if they still want the item after thinking it through, that doesn't mean the conversation has failed. The goal isn't to make your child want less. It's to help them make more intentional choices.

You don't have to say yes. But don't make every no the end of the conversation.

Parents are allowed to set limits. You don't need to buy something just because your child has made a good argument for it, and you certainly don't need to spend money your family cannot comfortably afford.

But when you say no, consider whether there's an opportunity to teach rather than simply close the discussion.

If the item is beyond your budget, explain that honestly in an age-appropriate way. If it's something your child can save towards, help them work out how much they would need to put aside and how long it might take. If you believe it's unnecessary, explain your reasoning and give them room to think about it.

You can still make the final decision when necessary. The important thing is that your child begins to understand the thinking behind financial decisions, not just the authority behind them.

Because the teenager who learns to pause before buying something they want is practicing a skill they'll need when the money is their own.

They may still make impulsive purchases. They may save for something and later decide it wasn't worth it. That's part of the process, too.